Two cannibals were sitting around the campfire talking. One of the cannibals said, "You know, I just don't like my brother-in-law."To which the other replied, "Then just eat the noodles." - Ed Buckner.
A young mother was standing outside a mall holding her six-month-old baby and her sister's three-month-old baby.Two elderly women approached the mother. "Are they twins?" one asked."No, they're three months apart.""My! You sure had them close together." - Morgan.
Visiting the psych ward, a man asked how doctors decide to institutionalize a patient."Well," the director said, "we fill a bathtub, then offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient, and ask him to empty the tub.""I get it," the visitor said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's the biggest.""No," the director said. "A normal person would pull the plug." - Josh Roberts.
I was a percussion major when I was in college, and during a rehearsal of the student orchestra, my section kept making mistakes."When you're too dumb to play anything," the professor conducting us sneered, "they give you a couple of sticks, put you in the back, and call you a percussionist."A friend next to me whispered, "And if you're too dumb to hang on to both sticks, they take one away, put you in the front, and call you a conductor." - Jim Lopardo.