I didn't give up

You never know what you can do when you stick to it, have faith in yourself and not give up.  

Here in the United States it is a holiday, Memorial Day, a day that commemorates the U.S. soldiers who died while in the military service.  Today -I did something for the first time on a holiday, I got up at 5:30 a.m. to be at my boot camp class at 6:15.  Is that crazy or what?

It has been two weeks now since I've joined this gym.  I am seeing some progress in my endurance and I try to push myself a little further each day.  My sister was visiting for the weekend and went to class with me.  I felt so bad for her, not that she found it hard and I am afraid she could be sore in the morning but because on the way home she broke down.  She said she felt embarrassed being one of the largest ones there and that she couldn't keep up with most of the class.  

I wanted to cry with her, I was feeling that same way just two weeks ago.  Though there hasn't been a noticeable transformation on the outside, there has been a transformation on the inside.  I still go to the gym each day with my heels dug into the ground while both daughters drag me along.    But each day I go the level of fear drops a little bit more.  

I no longer feel like the fat one standing out.  Most of the time when they show us the drill for the class I think they are out of the ever loving mind.  I mean really, where do they find these people - they really think I can do THAT.  But as the music begins I start the warm up with everyone else (which is about the only time I can keep up right now) and then proceed to the work out at a level that challenge my physical ability.  


I am learning to humble myself during these classes.  I am usually one of the last (if not the last) one to finish the outside running exercises (and getting lapped my Big K no less) but that's OK, I am doing my best and the instructors are great.  They never start the next drill until everyone has caught up and I never feel like the rest of the class is holding it against me, everyone is very supportive.  


Today I actually finished running a five cone suicide and then we had to go from that right into a run up a hill and back.  My shins were not happy about the progress I was making and decided to rebel against me.  They tightened up so bad that I could hardly flex my foot.  Once I got back into the building I walked over to get a drink and feel against the mirrored wall.  I had tears coming down my face and spilled my water all over me (and I didn't care) thank goodness I was in the back.  


But here's the thing....I didn't give up.  I wasn't able to do everything the rest of the class was doing after that point but I kept myself moving and I am so proud of myself for that.  I haven't felt proud of myself for a long time.  

Maybe, just maybe, I learn to love myself again.

Hope you had a great weekend.

Sheryl