I didn't give up

You never know what you can do when you stick to it, have faith in yourself and not give up.  

Here in the United States it is a holiday, Memorial Day, a day that commemorates the U.S. soldiers who died while in the military service.  Today -I did something for the first time on a holiday, I got up at 5:30 a.m. to be at my boot camp class at 6:15.  Is that crazy or what?

It has been two weeks now since I've joined this gym.  I am seeing some progress in my endurance and I try to push myself a little further each day.  My sister was visiting for the weekend and went to class with me.  I felt so bad for her, not that she found it hard and I am afraid she could be sore in the morning but because on the way home she broke down.  She said she felt embarrassed being one of the largest ones there and that she couldn't keep up with most of the class.  

I wanted to cry with her, I was feeling that same way just two weeks ago.  Though there hasn't been a noticeable transformation on the outside, there has been a transformation on the inside.  I still go to the gym each day with my heels dug into the ground while both daughters drag me along.    But each day I go the level of fear drops a little bit more.  

I no longer feel like the fat one standing out.  Most of the time when they show us the drill for the class I think they are out of the ever loving mind.  I mean really, where do they find these people - they really think I can do THAT.  But as the music begins I start the warm up with everyone else (which is about the only time I can keep up right now) and then proceed to the work out at a level that challenge my physical ability.  


I am learning to humble myself during these classes.  I am usually one of the last (if not the last) one to finish the outside running exercises (and getting lapped my Big K no less) but that's OK, I am doing my best and the instructors are great.  They never start the next drill until everyone has caught up and I never feel like the rest of the class is holding it against me, everyone is very supportive.  


Today I actually finished running a five cone suicide and then we had to go from that right into a run up a hill and back.  My shins were not happy about the progress I was making and decided to rebel against me.  They tightened up so bad that I could hardly flex my foot.  Once I got back into the building I walked over to get a drink and feel against the mirrored wall.  I had tears coming down my face and spilled my water all over me (and I didn't care) thank goodness I was in the back.  


But here's the thing....I didn't give up.  I wasn't able to do everything the rest of the class was doing after that point but I kept myself moving and I am so proud of myself for that.  I haven't felt proud of myself for a long time.  

Maybe, just maybe, I learn to love myself again.

Hope you had a great weekend.

Sheryl 

Progress?

Could it be that I am actually starting to see a little progress from my short week of boot camp?

As of today I can get out of the car and go up the stairs like a normal person, the pain is finally started to subside.

Tonight Little K and I went to the ball field for a food handler permit class (we work the concession stand for the local team).  The class was located upstairs in the suites, I didn't start to feel it in my quads until about the last four steps, usually I can feel it right away and it wasn't until I got home did I realize I was not out of breath when I reached the top - that defiantly was progress.  

I have to thank B for asking me to go on a walk tonight, if he wouldn't of said anything I was have just been a couch potato for the rest of the night.  After we walked our normal one mile route I realized the small of my back wasn't hurting and I wasn't out of breath as usually. 

It's funny, I drag my feet every day when it's time to go work out but I am so glad when it's over.  Not because the work out is over (ok, that too) but because I endured and am now one step closer to my goal.

Dear Heavenly Father - I pray for strength during the fitness journey.  Father, make this journey yours - I pray you will use this journey to glorify you. Amen.

How is that class treating me you ask?

Today is a day of rest after three intense boot camp classes.  Actually this day of rest is a gift from God, the last class is at 5:30 on Friday and since I work until 5:30-6:00 I can't make it.  Once I build up my strength and endurance I am considering going to a morning class before work.  That way I will still be able to work out on Fridays. 

Tomorrow morning is a work out and then a nutrition class.  I know what I should stay away from but don't seem to have the will power to do it.  I am hoping emerging myself in the whole fitness program will help to reprogram my mind and get rid of all of the negative self talk.

How I feel physically:

After three days of classes my thighs and shins are sore (the thighs are a lot better however).  My neck is a little sore today also, I must not have done the crunches right last night.  

How I feel emotionally:

I can't quiet explain my emotional state, it is bouncing all over.  I'm in shock because I am sticking it out.  My mind set is changing, shhh don't tell anyone but I think I might be starting to feel like I want to go back to class.

I am used to being the nurturer and the encourager - the roles have changed right now.  I'm sure it's part of the process but I'm still trying to get my head around it.  

I'm embarrassed at what I can't do physically, that might just be what is taking me back each night.

My family is 100% behind me, all four of us have joined and will be getting fit/healthier together.  How cool is that?!

Now I just have to rearrange my routines so the house doesn't fall apart during the new adventure.

Memories

Yea! The 3rd class of boot camp is nothing but a memory. My quads are considering going back on speaking terms with me, however, I do believe I've made my shins anger. I'm guessing we won't be on speaking terms in the morning - oh well.

Through all of this, I am trying to keep a mental picture of what I will look like and how I will feel in a few months.

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you for the sore muscles, muscles that tell me I am out of shape but healthy enough to work out.  Thank you for a family that supports me and doesn't let me back out and give up on myself.   

I thank you for B's co-worker who urged him to urge me to go to the class.  I pray for the others that are also taking the classes.  I pray that you will encourage all of them to continue to take care of the body you blessed them with, to further you kingdom. Push them to their full potential without injury.   

Make this boot camp adventure your adventure, help me not to complain and to be a true witness.

Amen.

My Scaredy Cat Challenge

Please visit my "Dairy To A Healthier Life" to read about my Scaredy Cat Challenge.

This is one of my biggest challenges in a long time.

The New Adventure Begins

 (Picture from desktoppictures.com)

 As of May 4th I started joined in an adventures that 1000's of Americans are going through, I became unemployed, you can read about the begin of the adventure here.  I was pretty hard on myself because I didn't feel like doing anything all day long, and wasted a lot of time on the computer.  I was tired and figured it's because my pity party was extending longer then it should.  I got a call Wednesday from my endocrinologist, my blood results were back and she was moving my appointment up three months - my meds need to be adjusted.  I haven't lost much weight but I haven't gained either so I never thought about my tiredness being from my thyroid. That is why I have been feeling so tired.

About four years ago they attempted to kill off my thyroid with a radioactive iodine pill.  The dose was not large enough and it has left me with a partially function thyroid that I supplement with hormone pills.  My thyroid must be slowing down on it's own, I knew that was a chance. 

Fast forward to today, I had an interview and will start my new job on Monday.  This is a newly creative administrative position and the job details are not clearly outlined.  As a matter of fact they haven't decided whether to keep the position as a temporary or permanent.  She wants to see how it goes; I have a good feeling and I'm not worried about it.  The job is located in a historical part of Lincoln and it does not require panty hose - yea!

Just my luck, I got the drive to start eliminating the clutter in my home while I have the extra time off.  Now - no time off, but I'm not complaining.  God blessed me with a two week vacation and now it's time to get moving again.   I will continue to preserver on the de-cluttering, 15 minutes at a time, as the flylady would say. 

Dear Heavenly Father,

I am so thankful for what you have done, what you are doing, and what you will do in my life.  Thank you for the new adventure.  I pray that you take this new adventure and make it yours.  Amen.

As Luck Would Have It

What a wonderfully productive day it has been.  Since I don't know how much time off I will have I looked around the house today looking for the project that needed the most attention.  

Do you have one of those rooms where you put the things you don't know what to do with or just don't want to deal with them at the time?  Or maybe it's a place where you stash when companies coming over.  I have to admit, I have one of those rooms.  It's a small bedroom that we were using as an office, a computer room, and quiet room.  Now, it gets used for none of those reason, it's become a catch all room, a room we shut the door to and pray that the house fairy will come and clean it some night.  

They say when you have a problem the first thing you need to do is admit it to yourself and others, so:  My name is Sheryl and I have not a junk drawer, not a junk cupboard but a junk room.

 So, there you have it, I'm a closet junk room junkie.

 My filing system has been one of the most basics for the last 1 1/2 years; pay the bills throw the papers in a box - all together.
***rolls eyes here***

I decided this room would be my project while I am between jobs.  

I grab my "filing box" and head to the living room so I can at least watch a movie (or two) as I sort.

I wasn't without company, Jake and Sami enjoyed the fresh air.

And TJ came later to see what he was missing.

Not all of the company was useful, actually some of it was down right distracting:

After an afternoon of Flylady - 15 minute sessions I was able to reduce my file box to this (and these papers already had a file folder - why didn't I just put them there to begin with?):

The question remains: Why do we think we need to keep the things we keep some times? 

I have my heart dead set on finishing this room before I go back to work.  

As luck God would have it, I was called for an interview on Friday.  If everything works out ok, I could start as early as Monday. 

Hummm...wonder how much I can get done in that room tomorrow afternoon?

What about you, what are you holding on too?

The Party's Over

It was a cold, dark, rainy morning today. One of those days you just want to pull the covers over your head and stay in bed. How many times have I gotten ready for work wishing I could stay home? Stay home and read, blog, and get projects done around the house. A day to stay home - alone to my thoughts - to renew my mental state of mind - or to have a movie marathon all my own. 

Today, God has blessed me with such a day. I scheduled a grooming appointment for the dogs at 7:00 a.m. Woke up wondering what I was thinking when I scheduled that appointment - geez I could be sleeping in during this wonderful cold rainy day. As I laid in bed hitting the snooze alarm I started to reflect on the sermon from yesterday. Our pastors wife gave the sermon and it was entitled  "Get A Grip". 

She talked about how God is going to do amazing things through the women of the church but before he can do anything we have got to get a grip.   She asked  us how we are running, are we running with the baton ready for hand off for all it's worth or are we sitting on our hands. We have to go to God and drop the insecurities.  We have got to run, run for all it's worth and pass on the baton to our children.  We don't have a choice, their spiritual welfare is at stake. 

How many times has God answered my prayers and I didn't recognize it or appreciate it? Today is an answer to one of my prayers. It's the perfect day to stay home to read, blog, or get projects done around the house, to renew my mental state of mind. And it hit me - GET A GRIP. I've got to go to God and drop my insecurities and run.

The pity party is over, I've been trying to stay positive about this whole new adventure thing - I didn't feel like I was having a pity party but I'm beginning to believe I was only fooling myself. Today's the day, the pity party is over. 

It may be cold and dark outside but the light of God is shinning inside, I'm off and running. I didn't handle the last few months very well. I have a whole new appreciation for those who work multiple jobs and/or are single parents. 

Today is a new day and I intend on making the best of it. It's time to enjoy and be thankful for this blessing of free time God has given me, to restore my daily routines, to jump start my exercising (that I claim I never have time for), to take a break and just let God be in control. 

Oh yeah, probably should send out a few resumes too....... 

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11

A Letter To My Mom

Dear Mom, today is Mother's Day, I woke up thinking of you.  I can't believe it's been 22 years since I've been able to say "Happy Mother's Day" to you physically, but I tell you every year in my heart. 

Thank you so much for your love and sacrifices. It wouldn't be until much later in my life that I would understand those sacrifices, big and little, and appreciate them. 

As I look back through the years we had our share of rough waters, what teenage girl and her mom doesn't.  Some of those times were a little rougher then then should have been but I have been able to get over those and forgive.  That forgiveness allows me to say and mean, "I Love You" and "I miss you dearly".

Good things come from the storms in our lives.  Your passing brought me Bill, my husband of almost 20 years.  Bill and I graduated together and when he saw the announcement in the paper he dropped a card off at the mortuary.  After the funeral I called and thanked him and we got together the following weekend.  We hadn't seen each other since graduation (seven years) and had no idea we would spend the rest of our lives together.  

I wish you could have been at my wedding, I know you were watching over.  I wish you could have been at the birth of my children, your grandchildren, but I know you were watching over.  I wish you could be at their high school graduations but I know you're watching over.  Big K will soon be getting married herself, I wish you could be there but I know you'll be watching over as you have my entire life.  

A mother's love never ends and I truly believe it doesn't stop when she goes on home a head of us.  

Now I have two teenage girls of my own and I see a little bit of you in both of them - everyday.  There are times when I can't help but shake my head and say to myself, "mom would have done that".  

So the cycle continues of a mother's love, past down from one generation to another.   

I can not begin to thank God enough for the blessings of Big K and Little K and the joy they bring to my life.  Lord, thank you for entrusting their lives to me.  What an adventure it has been and I'm sure will continue to be.

Happy Mother's Day ! 

Wild Goose Chase?

Today I went for an interview.  I thought it was odd that the interview would be in Omaha and I told them I wanted to work in Lincoln.  They assured me there were offices in Lincoln, against my better judgment I went.  

I got lost and was late for the interview, the gentleman hardly looked at my resume, asked a couple of questions and then lead me to a conference room for the second part of the interview.  The first guy lead me to believe to believe this would be work in a call center.  Not my first choice, did that not sure I want to go back, but I was open to it.  


There were eight other people in this room, hum... group interview?  Then someone came in and started a presentation.  This was a fast pace sales pitch to sell insurance.  Selling is not my thing, I am better behind a desk or some other administrative duties.  About 1.25 hours later he started going around the room asking people why they should hire us.  When it was my turn it simple said, "I don't believe I will be a good fit for your company and I am going to excuse myself" and I left.  (By the way - no offices in Lincoln.)


I think the part that irritated me was that the position was misrepresented.  Why didn't they just say they need sales agents instead of wasting my time.


During the 45 minute drive back to Lincoln I kept replying the meeting/interview in my mind and asking God what the purpose was for this trip.  


While running an errand after I got back into town I was able to do a little networking and because I didn't leave my resume with the other company I had one to hand out.  


So tomorrow I hit the road running.  I have several ideas in mind and companies to check.  I know God will lead me to the right company in his time.  Until then - I'll just keep on keeping on.

Dear Lord, take this adventure and make it yours.

A little bird "Tweeted" in my ear

 Today is the first day of "unemployment".  As I have written earlier, my temporary job was coming to an end and my permanent job is closing.  So the day has come...end of that adventure.

As I was laying in bed - tweeting,  trying to decide whether or not to feel sorry for myself I received the following tweet:

@sherylk1515 Hope that you can get back to something soon. Amazing, every time I get a break I wonder when I ever have time go to work.

My response was:

@slmar I have faith that God will give me a little break and then start me on a new adventure.

After I sent that I thought to myself-yes that is what God is really doing. I haven't had any time off for months and months. I need to enjoy this free time I have been blessed with the time off he's given me.

I meant what I said when I posted it but it wasn't until I read it back to myself that the light came on.  

I have wanted to have some time off to be able to get some projects done for a long time but the time never presented it's self - now it has.  Today is the first day of my new adventure.  I am going to enjoy this time off and try not to worry about the finances.  Yes, now the task of looking at the want ads are now part of my morning routine, but I won't let it consume me - I will take time to enjoy the blessing of time off God has given me.

God Is Good, yes he is, He's good all of the time.

The Difference A Decision Can Make

I want to be happy, I try to be happy but it seems like no matter how much I try to pretend to be I'm not. 

Maybe its the uncertainty of job, my temp position ends on Monday,  or the fact that my other job (my original job gone part time) will be closing the doors and there are just a handful of people left there seems to be a cloud hanging over every time I go in.  Maybe it's the fact that I am always tired and I don't exercise because I'm tired; truth is I'm tired because I don't exercise.

What I do know is that it certainly is not because of my family. I love my husband and daughters to death and they love me. Its not the material things in life, I'm content with the things God has blessed me with.  I don't feel deprived in the least bit.  So what is it?

I'm just tired and can't find it in me to get excited about much. Bill pretty much has taken over the household duties because I can't seem to get my act together. He shouldn't have to do that after working a 12 hour day that starts at 4:45 a.m.

Snacking is getting better

I started this blog last week but for whatever reason I never went back to it.  Then I made a decision on Thursday.  A decision that would make a huge difference - Friday would be my last day at my original job gone part time.  

As I suspected being the bookkeeper they were not jumping for joy when I told them Friday would be my last day, but he did say he understood and thanked me for hanging in with them as long as I did.  

Friday came, I finished any open projects and tasks, left notes for what needed to be done and when, locked up and left.  I looked at the building as I passed by took a deep breath and was at peace.

I can't explain it, I don't feel as tired and I actually have the desire to take care of my house.  I don't feel as depressed as I did.  Could the few hours I was working at night really be pulling me down that much?  As I reflect, I think so; I'm beginning to believe that it wasn't the hours but the atmosphere I was working in.  Because of the fate of the company it was depressing to go in. 

I caved the first time I tried to quit by telling them I would come in after my day job and I can't say I won't cave again (he wouldn't take my keys when I offered them back - he asked "don't you want to keep them for another week or so?") but this time I feel empowered I know I can tell him NO I'm not coming back if I really don't want to come back and help.  Now that I am feeling better and believe the job to be part of it, I don't want to go back to feeling that way.

The last day of my temporary job is tomorrow and I have no job lined up yet.  I do have a good lead on a job but I need to be patient and wait it out.  In the mean time I will continue to trust that God has everything in control and keep on keeping on until He turns me into another direction - on a new journey.  

There is a part of me that can't believe that I have a peace about all of this and that we'll be fine.  I start to pull it back and then the anxiety sets in - then I give back to He, I have no idea how many times I've gone through this cycle.  

Hears to decisions that make a bigger impact on our lives then we would ever think they would.

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11