True Confession - Here's to a my health!

For me weight and staying physically fit has been a life long battle - I lose, I gain, I lose, I gain.  I got a wild hair last Saturday to go to the gym.  I rode the bike for 30 minutes.  It has been a few weeks since my shadow darkened their door step so for me - this was big. 

Then with out giving it much thought at all, I did something totally crazy.  I talked to one of the trainers about what I need to do to get back on track.  I even set up an appointment to talk to the naturalist and to set up an exercise program.  During this conversation he really didn't tell me anything I didn't already know, but he did confirm what others (my family) have been trying to get me to do. 

Big K has been trying to get me to the gym in the morning before work.  I'm thinking she nuts!  I'm not breathing much before the alarm goes off at 6:00 let alone have my tush at the gym earlier then that. Bless her heart but after some of the conversations we've had about it she finally quit bringing it up.  She knows I should do it, I know I should do it, but geeez 5:15 in the morning????

Then during my meeting with the trainer he mentioned that the most successful people at weight loss and fitness start their day working out - dig the knife in a little more, I knew that too.  Is this the Holy Spirit confirming through him that I need to to this and if I know I should do this why don't I do something about it? 

I made a very scary decision this morning, I'm going to start working out at the gym at 5:30 in the morning.  I'm not even breathing at 5:30 in the morning and why have I decided to do this going into the winter months????? 

God is convicting me, I feel he is telling me that I need to take better care of myself.  To take care of the body he blessed me with.   I don't have many health issues right now but if I don't take off some weight and get in better physical condition I'm going to have problems in the future.  Besides, I want to be one of those Grandmas that take their grand kids places, play with them on the floor, and be very active.

• I want to be able to go into a department store and buy clothes with out going into the plus size section.
• I want to have control over food instead of food having control of me.
• I want more energy and I want the driven person back that I once was.
• I want to put my CPAP machine up on the shelf and let it gather dust.
• I want to be ready at a moments notice when God calls me to a task - both physically and mentally.

But I'm scared:

• What if I fail. 
• I'm afraid I will lose my comforting friends - hamburgers, fries, my pillow.  That fear comes from the love of food and napping.
• How do I stop thinking about food all of the time - and WHY do I think of food all of the time?
• I'm scared I'll feel hungry - I Hate feeling hungry.
• Will I have the strength to make it a way of life

A tweeter friend tweeted once "What's holding you back?"  After I thought about it I decided I'm holding me back.  I don't consider myself a negative person, I hope people don't see me that way, maybe they do.  However, when it come to me and my self-esteem I am very negative-I have convinced myself that I am fat and ugly.

I know this is all a choice, making the choice and sticking to it are two different things, for me anyway.  So once again I begin my journey.  I had lost 20 pounds since April and put back on 4 of those pounds, not too bad but it's time to get the scale moving down once again.