I'm sorry if this post is hard to follow, I had a hard time expressing my feelings tonight - please bear with me.
I can't believe I have been on this journey for 9 weeks now. I wish I could say that I have handle this with grace and finesse but I can't. As I have mentioned before job #1 was slowing down and I truly didn't have enough work to keep me busy. I would get my work done and then blog, play games and write on facebook. I'm not proud of it but it was the only way to fill the time between answering the phone.
Now job #2 keeps me very busy and I don't have the opportunity to get on facebook or to write/read blogs during working hours - or even after I get home for that matter. I have been leaving the house at 6:45 a.m. and getting home about 8:00 p.m., eat dinner and lay across the bed watching a movie until I feel asleep. I kept up this routine for 2-3 weeks, I can't believe I am admitting this behavior - yes I was having a major pitty party. Poor me...I have to work 2 jobs (no I choose to work 2 jobs - I'm just a wimp.)
Fast forward - I am not as lazy when I get home now. I started to stress myself out because I wasn't getting things done around the house and projects and tasks were building up. Now instead of being lazy I came home and worked on things that needed to get done. I felt like I was constantly doing things but yet nothing seemed to be getting done, not by me anyway. But that was better then coming home and lounging every night away right? Maybe not?
Yesterday I talked to the store manager about the possibility of a permanent position at job #2; after that conversation I don't believe that will be a possibility. I got a pit in my stomach and thought, why am I learning all of this - it's pointless - oh good another pity party on the rise.
This morning God impressed upon my heart to remember that HE is in control. I believe that this whole job thing has been orchestrated by God himself but I don't believe my actions have been reflecting that belief. No one had said I had to start work at 7:00 at job #1 and no one said I had to stay as late as I was. No one said I had to come home and spend the night on the computer either - can I play the part of the martyr or what?
This morning God instilled a new resolve, He made me realize that in the last 9 weeks and haven't taken anytime do some of things I enjoy doing - like blogging. Life is meant to be lived and that is not what I have been doing. How can one live life and feel sorry for them self at the same time? As I mentioned in an earlier post, the whole job journey really is a blessing from God but I seemed to have lost my focus on that.
On the way to work this morning I found myself humming a song with a line in it that says ...."that's what faith can do".... coincidence? I don't think so, God was reminding me to have FAITH, He is in control.
So here I am, my goal is to only schedule a couple to tasks that need to be done each night and if I get home after 8:00 just call it a night. After all - the projects will still be there waiting for me.
I miss all of my blogging friends and can't wait to catch up with all of you.